Out of Control: Four Funerals & a Wedding

As I was sitting at the funeral service for a dear friend’s father this last weekend, I was very aware that this was one of those distinctive differences between the place I grew up and the place I am now getting to know. Although I could not decipher many of the Kinyarwanda words spoken at the ceremony, it was clear that every word my friend spoke was full of emotion and meaning. In the seven months since we moved here, there have been at least four funerals among our immediate Rwandan friends and neighbors. Initially, I was simply struck by the importance of such events, as demonstrated by the time and priority given to gathering together and mourning for as much as a week after the death. As one Rwandan explained to Dano, “It is not about wallowing in the past, it is about honoring the dead”. It is not uncommon for businesses to close and much of “normal” life to be put on hold while the deceased is honored by hundreds of friends and family members. Today, however, I was struck by the frequency of such events. Indeed, it is one of the more painful indicators that in a country like Rwanda, life seemingly ‘happens to you’ more than life is ‘directed by you’. Unlike any other place I’ve lived, tragedy is expected here as a fact of life and such events are expected to be given their due respect.

On a happier note, weddings are also more visible and frequent events than anything I have ever seen before. One of our business colleagues had to leave the funeral we were at on Saturday in order to join a friend’s wedding party. I received my first wedding invitation last week, and while I could not attend, I look forward to a future opportunity. To deal with the sheer volume of wedding ceremonies here, some churches will ask four or more couples at a time to say their vows together. Wedding parties of extended family and friends gather in public locations for pictures, and some weekends you can compare the formal attire of as many as six wedding parties at one traffic roundabout (This many brides can certainly stop traffic!). I am fairly certain that as we develop more relationships here, it will be fairly easy to spend all weekend at weddings or funerals.

I am continually struck by the way people here share pain and joy en masse. There is a surprising (even refreshing) capacity of local Rwandans to drop whatever they are doing in order to participate in such events. Because it is understood that ‘life happens to you’, there is no presumption that one’s life, work or even today’s schedule is one’s own. I have a theory: Rwandan’s naturally respond to such events by praising or praying to God (Imana) because it is so apparent they could not have orchestrated such things by themselves. It is only when we convince ourselves that we are in control that we fail to acknowledge the existence or possibility of a Creator with a Master Plan.

Onward and upward,
-Carter